Feminism and I. A point of perspective.

I've been waiting for so long to write about feminism and how people argue against it. I've been working on it for some time but decided to wrap it around today for what is more auspicious than a date which is given out especially for women. Internationally. We women are in the spotlight today. We women are on the international stage trying to be heard for who we really are.

Let me start it this way. I am a feminist. I cannot make that simple fact any simpler in any possible way than through the prior mentioned short sentence which comprises of four words. I am a feminist.

I detest it when the male species use 'You are a girl!' as if it’s an obvious excuse for something I shouldn't do.

I detest it even when my mother says 'You are a girl!' as if it’s an obvious reason for something I shouldn't do.

You know what I detest the most?

I simply LOATHE it when my brother comes up and says 'YOU ARE A GIRL!' as if its an obvious reason for something I shouldn't do.
He’s six years younger than I am.

And frankly, I don't see any reason for me to not to involve myself in the particular action which requires a 'guy's hand'. Last time I checked hands were structured in the same manner in both the species.

So I'm a feminist. I'm a feminist who is proud of it. I'm a feminist who asks for an equal opportunity to try out things in life. If I say 'I can' and 'I want' to try out one of the most dangerous sports in the world, I want to try them out without anyone judging me for my gender, for the mere sake of me being a female. If I want to go to a religious activity which I badly want to take part in, I do not want to be withheld just because I'm a woman. I have seen arrogant men who are faceless jackasses in the face of obstacles and I've seen women, standing strong and resilient against the storm. I have met them, conversed with them and admire them while the men who act as faceless cowards disgusted me to the core.
When the anti-feminist crowd screams antagonistic ideas as to why feminists are stupid and why feminism should not exist in this world, the feminists try to save another fellow female's rights. You see, it’s very hard for a woman to stand upright on their own feet. And when they do, it’s very hard for them to dodge rumors or illicit offers or judicial looks or weird whirlwinds of male presences asking, begging for more from what they've never been offered. Life is hard for women. It's not a situation which was created yesterday or today, but a situation which was created even before we were born. Before the year of 1991 and before the year my mother was born. Even before my great-great-great-great-great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great-great- great-great-great- grandmother's birth year.

Now what the anti-feminists rant about is a woman should get the 'right' place in society and not the 'equal' place. Now let me tell you something about being 'right'. Right is relative. Just like wrong. For me consuming alcohol is wrong. But for someone else it is right. In a global context, some people find embracing gay, lesbian and bi people is the right thing to do while some may offer countless arguments against it. So what's right to someone can be wrong to someone else. Who writes definitions? And most importantly, who really sticks to definitions.

Life doesn't have a definition. But in Biology, we learn that we recognize life by seeing their actions. If they show the properties of a living being then they are alive. They have the steam of 'life' in them. And one of those properties includes reproduction. If a human has an ability to produce an offspring of their own kind then they show properties of a living being. But how many, I may ask, how many people in this world have to go through artificial insemination to create another form of life? How many have to go through pain, torture and endless nights of practiced routines to conceive a child. If they cannot reproduce anymore should we stop calling them live creatures? Or should we just dispose the definition?  Definitions don’t matter. Definitions are just one way of making someone get a vague idea of what they are looking at. It’s not what they really get.

Just as, people who rant about feminism, who say that women do not need equal rights, but what they need is the right position in the society can go and take a good look at what the ‘right’ position is. Females were dominated by evolution. Females were trampled by males. Females were underestimated by fellow humans. We were abused, we were raped, and we were bullied verbally, physically. We couldn't find safety in a place we called 'home'. We were faced with domestic violence. We were stoned to death. We were not allowed to vote. We were assigned the role of an unwilling cook, cleaner, maid, feet washer and many other job titles which we were not ready to accept. We were expected to wait in hunger until the male lord of the house, which is our husbands if you were wondering, had their breakfast, dinner and lunch. We were not allowed to learn, to expand our minds, to broaden our heights.

What we were subjected to, the torture, the pain, the sufferings the tears may have subdued somewhat over the years. Under the unfolding wings of human right we may have found shelter from the hatred of these ugly forms of discrimination; the bullying, the raping and the underestimating. We may have found a temporary relief, but no permanent solution. We may have found a balm to soothe our pains but not a remedy which will cure us forever. The right place does not have borders, limits or barricades. But the equal place does. Whatever you do, if we choose to do it, we absolutely have the right and the power to do so. It’s the power of equal positions. If I cook, you cook. If I clean then you should too. It doesn't give miscomprehended ideas about where the 'right' place should be.

You see, the male specie is a very mystique kind of specie and a dominant one indeed. They wait for us to cower in their presence. They wait for us to stutter in their presence. They wait for us to cook, clean, stitch and mend in their presence. They wait for us to wash their feet and wipe them. They wait for us to bring their tea and run towards them when they fall. They wait for us to smile for their benefit and dress like dolls for their benefit. It’s time we end this joke on the female specie. Who are they to impose rules upon us? Who are they to set invisible boundaries for us? Who are they to make us suffer in this manner?

When feminism was born, it was a move to free the women from the abuses they go through. It was a move which was brought out to make sure the voices of women were heard. If we had asked to stop the rape, stop the domestic violence or to stop the discrimination we would have been trampled on like a colony of ants being trampled on a stampede. We wouldn’t be able to raise our voices so loud. We wouldn’t be able to stop anything. Asking for an EQUAL status in life was because that was the only way to stop the violence against women.

We couldn’t care less if we didn’t have a man’s attention as long as we were not gonna get raped. A sad but true story must be read out to everyone. When a woman goes on a rally asking for an equal chance to live a free life, men mock them. They look at them scornfully. Even though I cannot make sure if this was a true story, for I have no sufficient sources to mention them, I’ve heard this from a teacher who used to teach us History and social studies. When the SAARC countries got together for a meeting, a prominent individual in theG8 summit had looked down on them saying’7 beggars getting together to discuss about their future’. Can’t we women just relate to them?

I was saying, we couldn’t care less if we didn’t have a man’s attention as long as we get freedom to move from one end to the another without cat calls, or some man checking out body parts we do not want to call attention on or worst, and the most horrible nightmare of all women, being raped. The most sad excuse a man can give for a woman being raped is ‘it’s the way you dress’. ‘You simply cannot expect a man to not to bang you if you dress that way’. ‘That woman is a slut for wearing in that manner’. I need not go on.

I’m not trying to demean the male specie nor do I hate them. Don’t get the wrong picture by what I say. And everyone who were unlucky enough to be born a male is not this way either, its just that a handful of them are arrogant, chauvinistic pigs who do not understand that they are so low in character and position that they cannot simply take hold of the reigns of their minds. They cannot control their minds or body reactions but they expect a woman to take control of theirs. This is a ridiculous world I tell you, a ridiculous world with ridiculous notions.

When there’s a conversation, a man expects a woman to drag it forward. I am not much familiar with the invisible rules with stand in the society, but I guess there must be a rule which says a woman must keep the conversation going on. Since I’m not familiar with this rule I experimented. It is true. A man expects a woman to break an awkward silence. Why not give them a hard time? Why not make them break the silence?

Let’s start from small things. How many times have you heard men say a woman’s brain is the size of a coconut shell spoon? How many times have you heard a woman being called a slut, a whore or a harlot? How many times have we heard men insulting a fellow woman? I’m not white washing all women. I’m trying to white wash the women who are sparkly clean but has a black dot in their white slate which makes them go through infinity times of torture and pain. How many of you have seen statuses which were aimed at how women were infidel and hypocrite? Countless I would say. And countless times we have ignored them. For we are women scared of getting ambushed by the sour, bitter and hurtful bullets of a man’s actions and words.

And this is just something I saw today on facebook. Doesn't it speak volumes and yards of how discriminated we are.

We need to make our self powerful enough so that we will be in a position to protect our self from the ongoing violence and hate. Have the right attitude. We are not women who are dependent on a man. We women have the potential and the capacity to reach beyond who we are. I’ve seen many people in my life who give up their job satisfaction just because their husband wanted them to do so, just because she wanted to hang on to a strand of manhood. Cling on to protection and cling on to a life which was assigned to her and not assigned by her.

Being a feminist does not mean you let go of your duties and responsibilities. It means you are strong enough to stand strong in the face of men’s scornful words, glances and actions. It means you have the power to bitch slap anyone who tells you that you are a woman and thus, you are not entitled to some privileges.

Only a woman can relate to a woman; the pain, the sufferings, the oppression, the terror-filled word; rape. Feminism is not just an act asking for equal rights for women. Feminism is a far cry from the female kind to save the other females who are suffering. Right now, it may not be you. But you may be next. I don't know why, but accepting a woman's position in a society as a place where a woman 'should be', in sinhala 'sama thana nowa nisi thana' carry a horrifying meaning in such a way it paralyzes me with fear for the women in our society. Where does this 'nisi thana' start? Where does it end? Who judges?

A male can give different definitions of the place of a woman in the contemporary society. While for a particular person it may be a similar place, where he likes her wife/girlfriend to be for a man it can be a place equal to a servant. The only way we can make sure that the females are given the respect they should get, feminism was born. And the only way it can be taken further is by the females standing together, in a strong manner. So if you are a woman against feminism, there's something wrong with you. Because feminism is not just about getting EQUAL rights, but an act of standing against the injustice we face.

For the empowerment of women, may you gain strength and courage to stand against the discrimination against women. Raise your voices against all types of chauvinistic pigs who act like troglodytes in the 21st era where we call ourselves more civilized. Happy Women’s day!

©Malsha Walgamage
8th March 2012